FIRST MOTHER, NATURAL MOTHER (birth mother)
What's in a label?
The adoption industry calls me a birth mother. Years ago, many -- like me -- accepted this label because, again we let the adoption industry tell us what we were and what we are. When courageous women such as Lee Campbell, Lorraine Dusky, and Sandra Musser began to give voice to our anger and grief, our empowerment was still in its infancy. Changes had to be incremental, even if that meant we had to accept crumbs in the beginning. Maybe adoptive parents could accept the term birth mother because her involvement would end when she was removed from the stirrups on the delivery table.
We have made progress since the mid-1970s, but progress has been slow, and online posts show some backlash to increased empowerment of first mothers.
The internet has been helpful in the sense of promoting communication among first mothers, but unhelpful in that the word "birthmother" has become firmly entrenched in google searches. Put up a blog without our designated label and first mothers will not find it, nor will adopters and adoptees. Change is incremental.
Copyright 2018 Pauline Trumpi Evans
Birth Mothers, Adoptees, Education
The adoption industry calls me a birth mother. Years ago, many -- like me -- accepted this label because, again we let the adoption industry tell us what we were and what we are. When courageous women such as Lee Campbell, Lorraine Dusky, and Sandra Musser began to give voice to our anger and grief, our empowerment was still in its infancy. Changes had to be incremental, even if that meant we had to accept crumbs in the beginning. Maybe adoptive parents could accept the term birth mother because her involvement would end when she was removed from the stirrups on the delivery table.
We have made progress since the mid-1970s, but progress has been slow, and online posts show some backlash to increased empowerment of first mothers.
The internet has been helpful in the sense of promoting communication among first mothers, but unhelpful in that the word "birthmother" has become firmly entrenched in google searches. Put up a blog without our designated label and first mothers will not find it, nor will adopters and adoptees. Change is incremental.
Copyright 2018 Pauline Trumpi Evans
Birth Mothers, Adoptees, Education
Amen. If you have a blog and want people to read you, it is suicide to not use "birth mother." The term was supposed to be more neutral and accepting to adoptive parents, but hell! that might be true, but it did nothing to soften their attitudes towards us. We are too threatening, having the birth tie to our children. But first mother and natural mother are still floating around in the universe, and so like you, I use all the terms.
ReplyDeleteI also think we are real. We are real mothers, i.e, we are not ghosts (a little humor). As you know too well, we are called birth mothers but adoptive mothers assert they are the real mothers. And, yes, they are -- they are real adoptive mothers. It is disconcerting to read comments in the adoption community, in which we are often portrayed as "low lifes" or drug addicts by adoptive parents and, of course, they are saviors. Maybe they think of us as "less than" in order to assuage subconscious guilt about gaining a child as a result of another woman's loss.
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